There are plenty of fitness apps out there motivating you to run. Welcome to the first app that demotivates you: Beat the Blerch.
The Blerch: An imaginary creature representing your darkest, most sloth-like desires to take it easy, skip your run, and eat all the cake you can get your hands on.
You: The runner. You must somehow summon the motivation to keep running to stay one step ahead of the Blerch. Avoid all the Giant Donuts, Big Slurp Fountains and Beer Krakens (yes, Beer Krakens) he throws in your way to stop you.
How to Play: Pick your runner and hit start. Tap the screen to jump over obstacles. Run and try to get as far as you can!
Based on the best-selling book, The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances, by Oatmeal creator Matthew Inman. Beat the Blerch is an infinite running game like no other. Because it has cake. And periodically insults you, and the horse you rode in on.
And the wonderful demotivation continues outside the game. With original, periodically hysterical, messages from the Blerch to you. Demotivating you from working out and encouraging you to sit down, binge watch TV and eat some cake. Eat the whole goddam thing.
Do you have the fortitude to withstand the temptation, and stick to your run? Or will you be lured into a Mayonnaise Hell Pit (yes, it’s a thing).